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2016-01-06 01:48:29 UTC
I grew up with poor social skills because my asshole father yelled at and
criticized me all during my childhood. As a result I had zero self-esteem,
I was shy and I was more worried about what people thought of me than any
type of a healthy concept I had of myself.
My social life consists of listening more than talking. My mind goes blank
in groups of people. Between me and my girlfriend my mind goes blank as
well. I reach over and hold her hand in the silence, which says it best
when I say nothing at all.
I live a life of suppressed anger and hate looking for any opportunity to
act it out, which I don't other than writing about it. I am not afraid of
letting anyone know how I feel.
So what's the moral of my story? "If you love something, let it go. If it
doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it." [bumper sticker I saw once]
Just as much in the same, I doubt if Carolyn is dead; I just annihilated and
decimated my concept of her; it was me who changed, not her; and now that
that's overwith, all that's left is what God wants to do with her, if
anything. You can tell the love I had for her by the enormity of hate I had
to express to dissolve it. If she's dead today it is by mayhem and
coincidence. In the words of her father, "Suicide isn't anyone's fault,"
and if Carolyn committed suicide her survivors can eat her father's words.
Her father was another person I couldn't stand very well. He was revulsive.
criticized me all during my childhood. As a result I had zero self-esteem,
I was shy and I was more worried about what people thought of me than any
type of a healthy concept I had of myself.
My social life consists of listening more than talking. My mind goes blank
in groups of people. Between me and my girlfriend my mind goes blank as
well. I reach over and hold her hand in the silence, which says it best
when I say nothing at all.
I live a life of suppressed anger and hate looking for any opportunity to
act it out, which I don't other than writing about it. I am not afraid of
letting anyone know how I feel.
So what's the moral of my story? "If you love something, let it go. If it
doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it." [bumper sticker I saw once]
Just as much in the same, I doubt if Carolyn is dead; I just annihilated and
decimated my concept of her; it was me who changed, not her; and now that
that's overwith, all that's left is what God wants to do with her, if
anything. You can tell the love I had for her by the enormity of hate I had
to express to dissolve it. If she's dead today it is by mayhem and
coincidence. In the words of her father, "Suicide isn't anyone's fault,"
and if Carolyn committed suicide her survivors can eat her father's words.
Her father was another person I couldn't stand very well. He was revulsive.